✨ The Manager ✨
Can I please speak to the Manager?
As the Manager, you make the perfect wing woman. You’re the person that everyone wants to have standing in their corner. You support and hold others up!
The Manager has a hand in everything in an attempt to make everything around them run smoothly. You try to anticipate problems before they arise, in order to prevent more work later, except no one sees that you have even more work now!
You see this supportive function as a deeply bonding exercise, standing in the shadow of whoever is the centre of attention, making sure that they have everything they need to maintain their place in the spotlight.
You work hard, tirelessly even, to ensure that you prove yourself indispensable and essential.
Your innermost motivation is a deep desire to be needed.
Whilst the supporting role is an important one, your over-commitment often means that you dim your own light so that others can shine. You’ll very often put your own needs last and bend over backwards to ensure that everyone else has what they need.
Of course, you may not feel you receive the recognition you deserve, which can lead to resentment, bitterness and feeling unappreciated.
While you may not want the spotlight, you do deserve to be celebrated for your own unique gifts and talents of which, there are likely to be many!
It’s time that you take a step back and acknowledge yourself for your true brilliance.
It’s helpful to take a closer look at your motivations, and why you behave the way you do.
Your people-pleasing ways are likely rooted in a deeper need to feel safe. This may come from having had difficult experiences in your past, when you’ve not felt entirely safe or secure.
These prior experiences have left you with a dislike, or even a fear of conflict. What feels safest for you is to say nothing and go with the flow in a bid to keep everyone else happy. Chances are that you feel afraid or hesitant to speak up and voice your true opinions, especially where they are in conflict with someone else’s.
You’d never want to feel that you’d upset or offended someone.
Somewhere along the line, someone told you that you were too much or too loud; and as a
result, you feel that is simply not safe to be YOU.
You might often find yourself worrying over your actions or words. This need for acceptance, security and safety comes from a deeper place of fear. It’s a fear of not being liked, loved and accepted.
It comes from a desire to belong.
The great news is that now you can begin to take action to help yourself feel safe and supported in a way that does not deplete you or require you to dim your light any more.
✨JOURNALING REFLECTION EXERCISE:✨
I invite you to take pen to paper, and free write for at least five minutes, around the following reflection questions. Allow the words to flow, let your inner wisdom speak to you:
Why do you believe that you need to be strong and in control?
What would happen if you showed vulnerability and let your true feelings show?
What would happen if you simply said ‘I don’t know’?
What would happen if you didn’t have all the answers?
How is this behaviour making you feel? Is it serving you? Be honest.
There might have been a lot for you to take in here, so before you do anything further, take a really deep inhale, put your hand on your heart and say out loud (or silently, in your head) to yourself ‘I am safe’. And do it again, one more time
‘I AM SAFE’.
I’d recommend strengthening your boundaries with my meditation below to keep building your confidence and sense of safety: